my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
