Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
