I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
