He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
