Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
