He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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