Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
