im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
