I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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