It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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