I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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