She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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