note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
