3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
