Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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