You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
