he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
