Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
