I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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