That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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