Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
