so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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