Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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