I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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