Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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