Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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