I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
