I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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