Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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