we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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