i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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