you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
