Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
