If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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