Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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