I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Still dying that you shit outside
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pants are for mortals
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