Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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