I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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