3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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