I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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