I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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