so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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