i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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