Banned from zoo.
Again?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
