her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
