so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
