If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
