And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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