5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
