thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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