i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
