Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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