I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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