Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
