his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
40s are totally the cure
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
