Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
