And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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