life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
