so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
