Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
