ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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