So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
