Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
