so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
