Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
