he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
