he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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