i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
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i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Damn victory sex feels great
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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