So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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