He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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