There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
