When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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