Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
