fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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