i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
sarcasm needs its own font
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
